Counselor for the Moon

By Steve De France

The moon is feeling much maligned. I represent my client the moon.
First — She does not like being referred to as the man in the moon.
She wants no more tales of werewolves turning with the moon.
No more covens dancing to the light of the moon.
My client is lactose intolerant, so no more claims she is made of
green cheese & most importantly, she wants no more poems,
songs, or ditties capitalizing on intellectual properties
that belong to my client the moon.
For example: The moon never beams without bringing me dreams
of the beautiful Annabelle Lee — The moon knows of no one
named Annabelle or especially Lee for that matter.
Another case... the moon, sick & pale with grief
that thou her maid are far more fair than she.
This absolutely must cease. She informs me She hasn't been ill
in over a billion years & despite a few years is fair as ever.
Another instance: The Highwayman came riding on a ribbon of moonlight.
Let's get this straight: She does not support
lawbreakers & furthermore She has never met
Bess the landlord's black-eyed daughter.

A word or two before I go ——— The moon, citing general principles
objects to the following slander: moon for the misbegotten, moonshine,
moon fire, sending Alice to the moon, fly me to the moon
full moon & empty arms, moonlight in Vermont, mooning
or being mooned, moonstruck, moon walking, moon bathing
swathed in moonlight, religious Moonies, moon dazed, moon dazzled
moon shadows, moon beams, Buffalo girls dancing by the light of the moon
moon gaggled, moon charmed, moonstones, moonfaced
quarter, half, full, horned, harvest, autumn & especially
moonfish dancing on the sea & all other such derivatives
stairways, shafts, paths, et al.
In short, all comparison & analogy & equivalence
simile metaphor & personification are to stop forthwith
& in the future SHE must be addressed as:
your Goddess,
your Divinity,
or as your own Personal Savior.