The cops featured are always kind enough to give us a little background on their calls, something like "We got a call from a neighbor that there was some screaming next door so we're gonna check it out." And then we pull up in front of some shit-hole trailer and watch the cops walk over with their big nightsticks to some toothless, mulleted good-ole boy wearing a Marlboro hat banging on the door while his fat ass white trash wife throws his belongings out the window. They both clearly see the cops pull up, but that doesn't seem to give them pause. Me, I'd be freaking out. "What's going on here?" The cop asks in the nicest possible voice. Toothless turns around and the camera focuses first on the "Born to Ride" tattoo on his chest and then his glassy, red-rimmed eyes.

Obviously drunk and stoned out of his mind, Toothless stares at the cop and then starts rambling about how this bitch stole his stash and wouldn't give it back and then she "done locked me out." He doesn't seem to be bothered by the fact that he just admitted to possessing illegal drugs. True to form, the wife is still screaming and throwing things out the window until another officer hauls her outside.

"Did you throw out his stash?" The cop asks the woman, who is panting and glaring at her spouse.

"Yeah, the (bleep bleep) wouldn't share and I'm the one who paid for the damn (bleep)."

"And where is it now?"

"In the toilet."

Toothless makes a lunge for his wife then, and the pair is cuffed and led to the car where they are seen still arguing all the way to the police station. Then comes the follow-up: "We're going to charge them with possession and disturbing the peace." And there you have it: crime doesn't pay.

This scene is repeated week after week: gun shots, neighbors fighting, someone fleeing the cops, and the inevitable foot chase ("Hey you, stop right there! Hey John, he's running!") Even watching OJ Simpson in the infamous white Bronco was like a national pastime. So why is this so fascinating to the average tax-paying, law-abiding viewer? Well, for one, we like to see people doing insane things that while we swear we'd never do; we secretly wonder what it would be like. Have I fantasized about knocking off an ATM or stealing a sports car? Absolutely.

There is also the need to feel that crime does not go unpunished. The Wild West in us likes to see the bad guys caught and made to pay for their crimes. But the truth is, the appeal of a show like Cops or Court TV goes way beyond the need to live vicariously or see that the forces of good in the world triumph.

No, the real reason we watch these kinds of shows is this: we like to watch the fuck-ups of the world fuck up.