Cartoons Have it Easy
By Mary Matus

Maybe it's just this summer's release of the Scooby Doo movie (which has been my favorite cartoon forever), but I've been feeling like a kid again lately. I've always been a sucker for cartoons. When I was a kid I watched 80's cartoons ranging from He-Man and the Transformers to (yes, I'll admit it) the Smurfs. After 20-some years of watching cartoons, I've come up with several reasons cartoons have it better.

1. No one ever dies. Take out all the aggression you want. Usually the worst that will happen is that the other person will be smushed down and pop back up, folded like an accordion. Even if the other person appears to be wearing a cast and bandages, these can easily be ripped off as soon as they resume chasing you.

1a. Whenever you want to take out the previously mentioned aggression, an anvil, sledgehammer, piano, steamroller, etc. is very handy and easy to find.

2. One word: Acme. This wonderful company has just about anything and will apparently deliver whatever you need to wherever you are even if you are in the middle of the desert. (Caution: Do not buy from this company if you live in the desert, like to eat large birds or your initials are WEC.)

3. There is always a high amount of stupid people easily fooled by a blonde wig and dress or a "tunnel" painted on the side of a mountain.

4. All the criminals are amazingly dumb and can easily be caught by a group of meddling kids and a dog.

5. Accidentally walk off a cliff again? Not a problem, as long as you don't look down. Even if you do look down, please see item #1.

6. Where else could a scrawny little rabbit take down a whole bunch of mean, 300-pound heavily armed gangsters?

7. When trying to solve a mystery, clues are so much easier to find. They're usually lying in the middle of the floor and are easily recognized as a clue.

8. Have a monster appetite after chasing monsters? You can eat a sandwich that's bigger than you.

8a. No more complicated diets that don't work. You can eat all the sandwiches you want and still be as thin as a stick.

9. Don't worry about what you're going to wear tomorrow. You only own one outfit.

10. You have pets like Scooby Doo and Garfield. Enough said.