Maria

(continued)

By Marilyn Whitehorse

I think about mis abuelitos all the time. They live on planticion de café in Mexico, far far away. My abeulito look like Juan Valdez on TV. First time I see Juan Valdez I laugh. Has a little gray burro otra ves mi abuelito. Mis abulitos take me live because no one know where is mi padre. He say he go California and send dinero, but we no see no more. I come America and find mi padre, but I no comprendo how big place. I look but I no see. Now I aqui and I no more Mexico. I want mi Mexico. Some nights I cry I sleep because I want mi familia. I dream about stubborn little burro.

I una joven in Mexico. I trece. I get bebe. I so excited. I tell novio we have bebe. He excited too. I joven, I health, I strong. He want mucho bebes con Maria. He macho then. I think every hombre want familia. He say we marry. I marry. He say take care of bebe. I happy. He touch mi pansa and say he love. When bebe born, he love. Then one day he no more love. He hit. I no know why he do that. I talk me abuelita. She say sometimes hombre do that. If abuelita say, then I think it's okay. But then he hit bebe. I no comprendo why he do that. Where love go? I loco in cabeza. I cry. I say, "You excuse!" I hit him so he know it bad hurt, but he no excusa. I tell him I want go away him.

He say he look for me. Say kill me. He say, "Have pistola."

I take bebe. Go casa del abuelitos. I tell abuelito and he cry. They say must go far away where husband no can find me. I no have dinero. Abuelito give me dinero and say I must to leave bebe and go away. I cry but he say, "Go!" I kiss mi bebe and go. I know mi abuelito have pistola too and bebe safe. Maybe mi bebe no have padre anymore. Maybe abultito kill padre. Mi abuelita only say, "No mas problemas." I no ask nothing. I only care bebe and abuelito say strong and help good at rancho. I happy. Mi bebe in casa with abuleito. He care chico.

I take bus down montana to Veracruz. I never that far from mi familia in all life. I afraid of cuidad grande. I walk street every day.

One day Senora see Maria. "You muchacha buena," she say me. "I see you walk every day. ¿Esta de una familia buena en las montanas?"

I say, "Si, Senora. Muy buena."

She say, "You need bed? You need la familia?"

She so nice Senora. She take me to hacienda grande. Give me job. Give me bed. I cleaning. I cooking muchas personas. I say her, "Why so many senoritas aqui?"

She say me, "Hide when mucho hombres come en las noches."

I stay my room en noche. One time I lonely and leave casa. I scared, be alone. I want abuelitos, want bebe, want mi familia. I walk. Walk plaza. I think I see mi
husband. Maybe abuelito no kill husband, I think. I hide tree, then run back hacidena de Senora. Maybe it no he, maybe no one see me, but I afraid. Tell Senora. "Mi Senora, if he find, he kill. He pistola."

She say me, "You sixteen now and muchacha buena, but time to go." She give me maleta. Say, "Pack." It no take long. I have nothing. She go to door every senorita, say, "Give pesos for Maria. She need go now so we no polica." Senoritas muy amigas; give muchos pesos. I never see so muchisimos pesos! Senora take me bus station and buy ticket. Senora buy una grande bus ticket. Bus driver muy bueno amigo de mi Senora. She explain him and give muchos pesos.

He say, "No worry Senora. I take care."

Senora say me, "Sit behind bus driver and look out window. No get off bus for long, long time. Bus driver say when get off. Comprende?"

"Si, Senora. Comprehendo. Gracias." Each time bus driver tell other bus driver care me and give ticket. I worry. I think bus driver steal bus ticket but miracle praise be Madre Mary and Jesus Cristo, they no roban.

Bus driver sometimes say, "Senorita in la hacienda la Senora?" and smile at me.

I afraid. I say, "No. I clean. I cook." He no touch. I ride bus mucho days, see many mucho things. More things than I ever see in life before. I no can remember everything, even I try. One day bus driver he say, "Stop."

I ask he, "¿A donde estamos?"

"Tijuana. You no can go no more. Only Pacific Ocean." He say me, "You can go no more west. You go north now. It not far." He tell me he find cousin take me. He cousin coyote. I give mucho dinero and coyote he say take me California.

I stay cousin's casa and wait more days. No bed, but food and agua. I sleep on ground. I not know no one. More hombres come. Other senorita come. We happy. We talk, we laugh. We say, "We go California. We amigas and help each other."

One day hombre come with van. "Andale!" All get in van. Dark inside. I sit next mi amiga. Many hombres. I no can see nothing. Ride long time. Stop. Wait long time. Hot. No can breathe. Open door. "Andale!!" We walk with hombres en la noche. Only estrellas, no luna so no can see. Mi amiga fall and hurt leg. She no can get up. She cry, "Help!" I try help but she no can walk. I cry too but coyote push me to hombres. He say hombres, "Go now. Take muchacha." Coyote stay mi amiga. We go. I sad but I think she okay. Her have help from coyote. Hear pistole. I no more amiga and I cry. Coyote cousin come soon. Coyote hit me. Coyote say, "Silencio! Danger now."